NULL INDUSTRIES PRESENTSSPECIAL WARTIME EDITIONPRICE: ONE THIN DIME*
INDEPENDENT SINCE THE LAST PANICVOL. I · NO. 001ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SWAT

THE WEST NILE TIMES

THE BACKYARD FRONT · FRIDAY EDITIONFICTIONAL WAR REPORTING · REAL DEVELOPMENT NOTESWEATHER: PARTLY DOOMED
EXTRA! EXTRA! THE BACKYARD CONFLICT ESCALATES

ONE BUCKET.
AN ENTIRE ARMY
IN RETREAT.

A battle-hardened solar-powered veteran advances at dusk. Enemy command confirms the situation is “very bad for morale, worse for noses.”

DOOM the muscular black bucket with green arms, glowing blue rim, helmet and solar-panel pack advances as mosquito RPG squads and tanks retreat.
ARTIST'S IMPRESSION: DOOM on the march, mosquito armor in flight. Fictional battle scene; actual product in development.
BY OUR CORRESPONDENT UNDER THE BEDCONTINUED ON PAGE 2 ↓
WAR BULLETINCOLONEL FOGGER: “EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL”◆GENERAL SWATTER DEMANDS A LARGER MAP◆MOSQUITO ARMOR LAST SEEN HEADING THE OTHER WAY
PAGE 2 · FRONT-LINE REPORT

The Battle of Blue Light Ridge

CONTINUED FROM PAGE ONE

The fighting began just before sundown when a black bucket with an unreasonably large pair of green arms appeared on the horizon. Witnesses describe a battered helmet, a solar-panel rucksack and an unmistakable blue glow.

Mosquito infantry immediately abandoned its lunch plans. Two armored vehicles were observed retreating at speed. Their commanders—mosquitoes sitting in open turrets with proboscises long enough to serve as cannon barrels—declined to explain the engineering.

One infantryman fled carrying an RPG built around the same unfortunate anatomical principle.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 47 · WHICH HAS NOT YET BEEN PRINTED
TACTICAL INTELLIGENCE

THE NOSE KNOWS NO BOUNDS

Analysts are baffled by enemy artillery that doubles as the commander's face.

“The vehicle itself does very little,” admitted one specialist. “It is mostly there to transport the nose.”

CONTINUED ON PAGE 18 →
AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM NULL INDUSTRIES

BLUE LIGHT
SPECIAL!

A bucket with a glow. A war with an absurd amount of paperwork.

Meet the real project →
PAGE 3 · THE SCIENCE DESK

Under the Helmet: The Real Bucket

FACTS, NOT PROPAGANDA
Illustrated DOOM Bucket concept with blue light and solar panel.
DESIGN CONCEPT · NOT A PHOTO OF A FINISHED PRODUCT

DOOM BUCKET is a solar-powered mosquito-trap product in development at Null Industries. The newspaper war is fictional. The engineering work is real.

01 / BLUE ILLUMINATION

Blue light is part of the design. Mosquito responses to light vary by species, wavelength, environment and other cues.

02 / SOLAR POWER

The concept uses solar charging and battery-powered operation after dusk. Final runtime remains to be established.

03 / CAPTURE CONCEPT

The intended trap combines light attraction with a capture medium. Field testing must establish effectiveness.

04 / SHOW THE WORK

Capture rates, coverage and comparison results are not yet validated. The comics are not evidence of performance.

DEVELOPMENT STATUS: TESTING · NOT AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE · NO VERIFIED PERFORMANCE CLAIMS
PAGES 6–12 · THE WIRE SERVICE

Reports From a Losing Front

ALL ACCOUNTS FICTIONAL
PAGE 6 · CRIME

BLOOD BANK ROBBERY SHOCKS FINANCIAL DISTRICT

A masked mosquito escaped with three pints of O-negative and a complimentary tote bag. Authorities deny it was a run on the bank, despite the running.

PAGE 9 · DEFENSE

CHEMICAL CAMPAIGN DECLARED SUCCESS BY PEOPLE WHO NEVER VISITED

After a series of spectacular failures against the swarm, Congress authorizes a strategy of appointing a panel to commission another panel.

PAGE 12 · DOMESTIC AFFAIRS

MOSQUITOES RAN OFF WITH MY HUSBAND!

A furious homeowner says the insects can keep his fishing equipment but insists they return the man who knows where the water shutoff is.

EDITOR'S NOTE: THESE STORIES ARE ALL LEAD-INS. THE REMAINING PAGES ARE ALLEGEDLY STUCK AT THE PRINTER.

PAGE 13 · CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING

Products of Questionable Merit

COMEDY ONLY · CAVEAT EMPTOR
THE MIRACLE OF MODERN COMMERCE

INSTANT COURAGE
IN A BOTTLE!

For the fellow who trembles before a housefly. Simply apply before entering any room!

BRAVERY GUARANTEED**Void in rooms, outdoors or anywhere courage is required. Fictional ad.
THE MILITARY SUPPLY BUREAU

GOVERNMENT-GRADE
EMERGENCY FOG!

Why solve a problem when you can obscure it from the committee?

THICKER THAN THE BUDGET.Fictional satire. No product for sale.
THE EDITOR'S PERSONAL FAVORITE

THE BLUE
LIGHT SPECIAL

A real project with an entirely unreasonable publicity department.

Follow development →DOOM BUCKET remains in development.
PAGE 14 · THE FIELD NOTEBOOK

The Record, As It Develops

NO FICTION IN THIS COLUMN
FILE 001

The Prototype

Actual build photographs and configuration updates will appear here when documented.

AWAITING MATERIAL
FILE 002

Field Trials

Conditions, comparison methods, observations and honest limitations.

AWAITING DATA
FILE 003

Revisions

Lighting, charging, mounting and usability developments as work proceeds.

DEVELOPMENT ONGOING
THE EDITOR'S DESK · LAST WORD

STAY TUNED.
THE WAR IS YOUNG.

The Test Pilot interest list isn't connected yet. No addresses or preferences are collected through this edition. Check back for the real development updates.

BACK TO THE FRONT PAGE ↑
MESSAGE FROM THE PRINTING DEPARTMENT

PAGE ? IS MISSING!

The continuation was last seen leaving headquarters in a truck driven by a mosquito whose nose exceeded the legal load limit.